Too big for our Britches

Talk about being broken-hearted...I knew this day would come sooner or later...Jac is too big for his britches.

The other night as we were spending time together as a family before bedtime, I asked Jac if I could hold his hand, just as I have many times before, and I assumed he would accept as he always has.  But this night would be different.  Tonight, his reply was "No, mommy, I'm too big, and I'm getting bigger."  Can you imagine my shock and sudden feeling of rejection? How could my sweet little boy deny me such a small request? I think he immediately sensed my despair and then said "No, mommy, I'm still little, you can hold my hand."  So it seems that even he knows that at some point he is going to grow up and be too big for things.  I have also determined that this is where it was not such a bad idea to have Jac & Dannah so close together.  Because as soon as he has outgrown something, she's right smack in the middle of it.  So I have at least another year or two to enjoy holding Dannah's hand (I'm hoping).      

It has surprised me just how much I am now remembering from my childhood, now that I'm a mother myself.  And things that I thought were so silly, now have so much significance.  I can very clearly remember several occasions that my mom wanted to hold my hand. Not for any specific reason (like crossing the street or to pray, although we did that, too), but just to hold my hand.  I never really minded obliging her, but always wondered what her motives were. 

But now I know...

I don't know about the rest of you, but from the first day my children were born, Jac being the first one, I have been fascinated with his hands.  We inspect them when they first arrive, counting to make sure that all 10 of those precious fingers are just as they should be.  We cover anything we can find in their hand prints or finger prints for keepsakes. 

This incident happened several nights ago, but I have not been able to stop thinking about it.  And the more I reflect, the more I am convicted by the Holy Spirit. This must often be the same response given to our Heavenly Father.  How many times must he just want to "hold our hands."  Not when we need something, or when we're hurt or need guidance...but just because He loves us and wants to be near us.  And how often do we reject him because we think we are "big" and don't need him.  WE'RE TOO BIG FOR OUR BRITCHES!  Yet He continues to ask.  How it must fill His heart with joy when we are the ones that go to him and ask.  Just because we love Him.  Because He love us. 

It's times like these that I am reminded of the love parents have for their children, and more specifically I understand the love my mom has for me.  I can never thank her enough for her encouragement and support. It is now that I finally understand what it means to be a mother (parent) and to love without reserve.